Farewell and happiness..

To the people around me, I never belong..
For  those who are so far, I always long..

Struck in a gloomiest night, with dementors all around..
I try to steal a page from the happiest past..
Bitterness emanated, made the dementors run away..

Awestruck, embarked upon a journey to find that happiness, that eluded me..
Walked a thousand miles, only to realise that it's with in me..

The story behind..

Amidst a hectic schedule, me and my mother made some quality time to spend together. Me, a bit reluctantly. Because I know how it will end up. With me ending up much more sad than I started with.
So, we started our vacation, she hopeful and ready to soak up all the fun. And me, well am scared and worried as every minute that passed by, made me worry about the impending farewell that inched closer and closer.

But there is something about spending time with your loved one, more so about your mother.. You tend to forget every sadness. So did I. We had awesome time. As always. She is more of a best friend than a mother (I know it sounds cliché. Trust me, I  dint think it was possible too. Because we were at each other's throats for a major part of my childhood.)

And the time to bid farewell came finally. I was sad beyond words. So much for being reluctant to take this trip. But we both have prior commitments where we needed to be. And thats the way life goes by too.. You can't always have everything you want.

So I got into train. We looked at each other. There is nothing left to talk, because we knows what is going on in the others minds. A thousand-of-take-care-of-yourself-please's later, train started to move.. As it slowly picked up its pace, I could see my mother fading by. A bit because of the distance, and a bit because of all the tears that are pooling in my eyes.

At that moment, I wanted nothing but to jump down from that train and to run back into my mother's arms. And stay there forever.

It was ironic. Because these are the exactly same emotions I went through, when my best friend and room mate came to see me off, as I started this journey.
I wanted nothing more than to stay there both the times. It felt so  strange. Do I belong everywhere or Do I belong no where?
Am I happy because of these people? Does that mean, I won't be happy if there is no one around me?

As I was contemplating my next step, my phone rang.. It was my mother.
"Don't". That's what she said, without any context.
" What?" I asked confused..

" I know what you are thinking. Don't get down. Move on. You need to be there. And baby, distance doesn't matter. Am always beside you. Live. And make memories. And carry them with you. That's all that matters."

Her advice, like always is to the point. It made me feel better. But it made me think a lot. And so came these lines.

Of those, my favorite is the thought that, dementors those suck your happiness are scared by the bitterness that is with in you, when you look back and compare yesterday's happiness with today and worry that it isn't the same.
It will never be the same dear friend, said my mind. That's the magic of life. Every moment of it will be unique. Giving happiness in its own way. When you can accept that, then you will be ready to find happiness in yourself not in others. And somehow, that changes the way you look at life.