BFF, on paper...

It's a pretty normal day, till I saw an old dusty box sitting in the corner of the safe..
just like the way, your memories are pushed to a corner of my brain,
I know I shouldn't open it, but like always, I couldn't stop when its about you..

And I see, the notes we wrote for each other, in high school, it feels like millions of years ago..

As I go through them, I can see myself, writing about you
and dreaming about you..
And the times, when I couldn't talk to you, I wrote in that diary and held it tighter, for my dear life..
As if you are my life..
Not even knowing what any of those words meant..
'Till I lost you, but for someone you truly loved..
The emotions, though true are bigger and complicated to understand, for a kid like me..
Is thst what you saw, a whiny kid clinging on to you?
I was a geeky nerd and you are the first friend I have ever had, apart from my books..
And you showed me the world, even though we were struck in a cage..

You are the first person who I opened to..
You helped me to become what I am today..
And then, you tossed me away..
'cos am not cool enough for you..
Am one among millions of your friends..
But you were my only friend..
Till you broke me, into millions of pieces..

It took me years to see, why I was jealous?
Have you ever seen me?
Have you never known?
Is it always just me running behind you?
My heart breaks as I see things in a different light now, years later..

Am I interpreting them wrong..
did it never meant anything?
Or, you thought am indifferent to it too...

Am I the one, who destroyed what we had? Or you? Did we have anything?

Never knew what I meant to you..
We were best friends, on paper..
In my dreams..
But, What are we??
It doesnt hurt as much now, as it did back then..
Time healed the wounds..

I would never know..
Cos you went away..
To live your happily ever after..
Am happy for you..
But you broke me..
I will never be the same again..
Though I have people that i love crazy and that love me crazy..
I will always be broken, for you broke me
I will always wonder if I come second..
I will àlways shield myself from heartbreak..
For when I lost you, I lost my best friend and much more..

I remember, the last letter I ever wrote, for you..
Few months back..
for your birthday.
I dint even know what I was thinking writing it, but I didn't have any thing else to give you, as a parting gift..

I gave it you, hoping you would read it, for a change..
But like always, you told me you'd read later..
And, I packed it carefully, along with all your belongings, to be taken far far away from me, as you move onto a happy tomorrow..
I don't even know if you have read it or not..
I don't want to know too, I keep saying to myself..

I stood there crying, seeing your tears..
You moved on.. and i stand here..
Wondering if it was ever real?
Or if it's all just in my head?
And like always, you are back to ignoring me..
And, me back to ignoring the stabbing pain in my heart...

We will, always be.. best friends.. on paper.. and in my dreams..
And I will do whatever you want even if it's too late now.

Inspired by fictional stories..

Story behind..

We all have that one best friend, from our childhood, who meant a lot to us than we meant to them. Well, not may be all, but some of us. This one is for them.